I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
