I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
