Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize