yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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