I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I understand Curling. That high.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
