If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
