The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
