I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are we still banned from the library?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
