Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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