Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
