Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
