She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
