You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
