Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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