Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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