in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How external is "for external use only"?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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