I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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