after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
