mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
