I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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