Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
