yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
