I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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