Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize