Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
