and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
