people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's never too late to be topless.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I stole a fireplace last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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