Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
