Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
