if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
