at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
