I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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