i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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