dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
