yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
