I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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