i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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