Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
is it fun? or sober?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
