Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
