She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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