it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize