Apparently you make a good broom.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
