I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
