i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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