I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had sex on a roof
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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