It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
