can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
