Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
