My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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