her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you win again, gameday.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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