You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
