U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
