WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize