Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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