this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
