Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
did you just send me my own nude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
