I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
