Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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