and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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