The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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