Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
whose parrot is this?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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