part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
