This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
