Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
