Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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