i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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