Little spoons don't ask big questions
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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