are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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