I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
