One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
