why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
