you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
