Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
