she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
