like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
do nipples grow back?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize