I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
