make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
