I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
