I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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