i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
