I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
