Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
