In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
