he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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