you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
