Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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