I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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