it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
