Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
