My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All the doctor said was why
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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