you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
