bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
