the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
two words: eviction party
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
