Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
