weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
