I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize