That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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