I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
