I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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