I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Only a mothe r could love this liver
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
